Saturday, April 09, 2005


the show must go on. little did i know what was just round the corner and then..
my fckin spectrum of an excuse of a computer blew up and its taken me the best par of a month to get a new-ish one. luckily my eldest sibling jacqui bitcouncil lent me soirt of permanently her rather loaded beau's old one. so i'm back. not in time to give you my national tips (two went at the first fence) but me and a friend did manage to get eachways on fourth place. sadly only six quid for me. and the bitch behind the counter at corals couldt be barely arsed to ring up the branch in wimbledon broadway where i placed the bet earlier on today.
the cheeky doodery old cow got on the shop miobile which was fair enough but then procceded to slag me off in my earshot.
'ywh, i know for five fifty ! he could have waited until tomorrow couldnt he?'
no i fckin couldnt you stuoid old moo. that's two pints back for saturday night up charing cross.
then i tried too explain that five fifty wouldbe the payback from the starting price not my price that i got them to put on at midday.
'ooh, now he's quibbling.'
i couldnt be arsed to stand there about small change so i took the money off the counter gave her winstons v for victory and pissed off to paddy whack powers up the road wher my mate collected his similar amount of paltry cash and had service you expect rather than ivy tilseys of five minutess previous.
anyhows, nice to see some of you back
might have a bbq tomoorow though i was a bit worried that my catholic neighbours might think iwould be trying to replicate the vatican city's choosing of the new pope. you know, loads of white smoke, etc, etc...

have a good staurday night

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

thumbs up harry

so the only thing i can recall of not e that happened while you lot probably thought i was dead and buried... ,
was me seeing harry davies. 'thumbs up harry' as he's known by friends, foes and even family. now harry works down bond street. w1 is the best one as he often says, like every time you see him.
works down as in the last twenty five to thirty years. see, harry's almost pensioned off, in fact i get the feelin he's gone past his marketable sell by date - ie 65.
harry got me my first job on the steps. he's like a family friend that man. he heard about my lack of the gainful and asked for me to come up and see him. bit worried that i was not doing myself justice. so i go up to the lovely gallery on bond street that h.d. works for. harry's stepping the door as usual and he looks pleased as judy's partner to see me. tbc>

Friday, March 11, 2005

freaking out

alan got back last night, as the weather was pretty shit, so i did jst the four days work. lucky really, as kara was getting on my tits a bit. she eneded up being a bit of a tease. turns out she was seeing some guy after all. so i couldnt be too arsed after that. but al was good as gold, paid me for five days , as he said it wasn't my fault they had to come back for the thrusday, and took us up to north lodnon for a few beers. we wnet up to camden, the primrose hill bit at first. but its' jst a little bit too up its own arse so walkd along next to regent's park walked down the parkway, and ended up by camden town tube. there were even more fkcin freaks, geeks, gothes and weirdos than there usually is that way. we wondred at first what was going on as\ all we wanted were a few games of pool, or btter still snooker. we asked a guy who looked a bit more normal if he knew of a decent pub with a table. he said we were 'close to the good mixer' and gave us driections to get there. i asked why camden was 'so fckin busy?'
he replied that it was the annual 'camden crawl', which explained the amount of teenage dirtbags that were aournd last night. anyway, we found the pub, which was alright, and there wastwo pool tabels. one of them, though, had this board covering it, with a bunch of sixteen year olds sitting on top, probably drinking snakebites, or alcopops or whatever fifth years are dirnking nowadays.
but we got on pretty quick on the pool table after alan had kicked some guys arse at pool. i had put on a few of the less grubby songs taht they had on the jukey. bit of blur, oasis, that kind of thing. and this song called 'freaking out' which i got confused with something else. anyway, it was alright but not what i had thought. then alan nudges me, tells me to 'look over there.' says 'see that guy', so said 'yeh' and he goes thats the 'singer who's singing this song'. well iget a bit embarrassed cos not only has the guy heard us, but he thinks we've put the song on cos he's in there. as some sort of kissarse triubte. fckin alan and his big mouth.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

top shelf - tastic

i've actually got five days work in a row. first time since i've been doing this blog. i was beginnin to think writing away to you lot was a bit of a minnie.
but alan's let me look after his shop this week. you know the one, or if don't refer to- a shitty way to start the week. he's gone for a week with his other half doin' a boating holiday in the south bit of spain or something. not too sure, alan's a bit boring to be honest, nice lad, but talking to him is like doing a sponsored yawnathon. actually, just saying that makes my mouth strecth at the thought of a convo with him.
anyway, he was good enought to overlook me fuckin up last time so i've got a whole five days running his paper shop. i'd call it a cornershop, but it's not exaxctly big enough. more like an alley shop or passage shop. no fatties allowed. anyway, its a boring ol day until the lunchtime cover walks in. shes called kara. not too bad lookin, if anyone's marking 4's-5's would be given out i feel. i'd not met her last time, had to close the shop for an hour or so for lunch. but she does the 12-3 shift for al normally, and this week, its me. she's friendly enough,, but i get the feeling she's bloked up. so for once, i dont try it on too strong. but gradually, by the end oof yesterday, i'm either bored enough or hrony enough to start chatting her up a bit.
'so kara?' say i...
'where d'you live?'
just round the corner she tells me, five mins away from this glorious enterprise in peckham rye.
'you live with you boyfriend?'
'nah. just a mate. he's called colin. he's gay though.'
mmm. wonder why she had to add that bit. i suddenly look at kara and think of her in comparison to all those buxom sized lovelies that reside on the top shelf of alan's otherwise family business. she would defintiely not look out of place. mind you, having said that, we're talking razzle or r.w. nothing higher or lower...

Saturday, March 05, 2005

went down to the indie disco...

one of my mates little brother's band played last night at some student do over in the e numbers part of london. called the litmuss test i think. they were alright, actually more like pretty good, very competent. my sort of music. paul weller crossed with.. mmm, paul weller really. but tehy were on fckin late you know, nearly midnight.
we'd been out since six , on the razzle, had a few lagers. and a few more. wasnt that pissed though, just in the mood to get lashde really. anyways, we got a blackie over to aldgate east and ... getthis all drinks were a quid. so we got well and truly gone after that. i was drinking alcoholic jelly pots, well they were ther, werent they? i did mix up my drinks somehwat. did a few of the whiskeys with cokes. g n t's. ete cetrra, ete cetra...
then me and my aforemntioned mate got a bit too drunk. this girl was at the bar gettin served, we were next in line so to speak, and my mate - let's just call him 'notsofortunate' -thought it would be alaugh to take her drink. she wasnt rightly amused. we got her one right back. turnes out though, she was the bar manager, so within a few minutes we got turned out into the cold winter air. that took the smile off our faces. didnt miss much i reckon, it was all a bunch of shoegazing indie nonsese.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

the gathering storm or the storm at the gathering

mm. not a great party. more like fifteen people who just about know eachother trying to make a bit of conversation go a long way over four or five hours. for a man who's not done much graft recently, it was close to hard work.
it wasnt thought there hadn't been a fair amount of effort. okay to good food, decent amount of booze on display. but the great russ abbot would have been somewaht disappointed - being a man who loved 'a party with a happy atmosphere'.
and i tried to snog the previously mentioned afrikkaner hostess. it's not that i struck out, she seemed half keen. but it would have to go down as a near miss. probelm was, i was way over half cut, and i didnt quite know then what i know now.
i wasnt quite as charming and friendly as i thought i was. i did okay for abit , managed to kiss her neck. then started kissing her over sized bosoms. that seemd to be okay. tbut then it all went t**s up as they say. she suddenyl decided i had gotten a little bit too cheeky so me, the great abc, was shown the door. and my friend. i was really way gone, and tooting to peckham is rather a long way unless you're john sullivan's imagination, of course. then it's a very short cut from wolfie smith to delboy. so me an me amigo were pushed out into the coldest of cold nights by the broadway and waited for the cliched eternity to pass before a blackcab took mercy on the two of us.
twenty five quid later and it was a ll just a hazy one.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

party on...

so the south african girl came back in from the cold and invites me and ivan-o to her party on saturday - which is tonight.
'cum' she says.
eet weil bee grate. purleeez.'
you get the picture , fcvkin strong accent that use a cheese analogy, more like extra mature. ivan 's in ahurry to go, had to work early the enxt day, but i get him to hang ona sec..
'okay. i say... what's the address?'
so she tells me, but i'm not gonna tell you that. you might gatecrash, and i don't really wnat to meet you lot, you may be disappointed, or more to the point, i might be too.
i'll give you a small clue, its in sw lodnon and it's near a hospital it starts at 730. the hospital is named after... actually, i'll end up giving it away so i'll stop there.
nice girl mind, she's not exactly alooker but i get the feelin she mihgt know one or two...
anyway yous have a good weekend.
oh, i might have some proper work next week, i'll keep you posted.